After all, you were the one who put the effort into writing the report you did the research, you put the paper together. If you had a hand in that success then I think it is ok to say, I am so proud of you as it does imply that the speaker played a part. The Psychology of Bragging. John decides to replicate his painting (for the reward of praise, not for his own sense of improvement and competence), and looks up at his mother with rapturous expectation. But this will be seen as an overreaction. Especially when you get to hear this from your parents, it means theyre happy to see you grow up the way they raised you. I know you and I haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately. relationship advice marriage advice Women love advice. As if Im mentally retarded and reading a book for the first time in my life, and hoping to get a cookie and a star sticker. . I think its about the underlying meaning of these words to a child. To be proud of yourself for your success is one thing, for another is to be proud, they had better have seen you come up through the trenches to witness that moment or to have been involved in the process. ), Seven Thoughts to Help You Parent Peacefully, Hints on Maintaining a Harmonious Household. "If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people-their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties-someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is . Its just a colloquialism for way to go or awesome sauce or good for you! No one means to be condescending or imply they got you there in some way. They may start to see their parent as being insincere, or even manipulative. Friend: "At least you have a job or daughter.". Do you mean you are also proud of yourself or that you are proud of the other person? the person who says that is actually talking about themselves, not about me, and by saying that is drawing the recognition away from me towards themselves. I think children want simply to be accepted and respected as themselves. Responding to Im proud of you with gratitude can help to boost your confidence and can help you to overcome self-doubt. If you're an ex-smoker, you can draw from your own experience of quitting. At the same time, the paper stated that "a key is to ensure that children feel positively connected to their parents and family," and that parents needed to demonstrate to their children that "they cared about them", that they "had their back". Here are some tips on how to respond to Im proud of you: Following these tips will help to ensure that you are responding to Im proud of you in a meaningful way. Paul urged his young companion Timothy to be "a worker who does not need to be ashamed" (2 Timothy 2:15). I may never know but you can simply ask him if you question the genuineness in his response. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); All Rights Reserved. She is an accredited and highly experienced P.E.T. When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre also taking advantage of the power of positive reinforcement. Thats the response I was expecting from you. And guess what? After reading this, I now believe its because I dont look up to him in any way and he doesnt know me so well as to fully appreciate my accomplishment like my family would. You: "I have so much to do and not sure how I am going to get it all done.". Encouraging children and others to be proud of themselves is healthier. Thats what I think. Its my feeling that I should only express pride in something Ive accomplished. So as you can likely see, when people say they're "proud" of someone else's accomplishments, they're really saying they are entitled to some honor or credit in the accomplishing of those accomplishments; and when people say they are "humbled" by other people recognizing them for their accomplishments, what they really mean is they . And thats enough for me. 8. Mull over various relaxing options, like meeting up for coffee or tea, and then send along one concrete plan, Manly says. "), Friend: "I'm proud of you for being brave and standing up to your boss", As the friend who has found that courage, is this statement something you would appreciate? As in, he's purely attracted to your appearance. Proverbs 18:12 Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, but humility goes before honor. . From that day on, I felt like I couldnt really trust him, and now I know why. Who determines the meaning of words? I have never said to my children, I am proud of you. My reason is that thry are responsile for their successes and I shoudnt take any credit for it. The rest were manual labourers. No. Don't disguise it as concern, either. My boys are all each others fan club and its marvelous. It is arrogant. I very quickly responded with a snappy, Why? He said because you were up last night with the baby, and went to work, and youre still cleaning this late at night. Um What a shock that I am hardly sleeping, cleaning constantly, working again, taking care of two babies, doing his laundry/dishes/cooking It really rubbed me the wrong way that he was proud of me. The phrase "Im proud of you" insinuates that the speaker (parent, teacher, co-worker, boss) has more experience, or power, or in some manner has the right to pronounce their opinion, on someone elses effort. We laughed a lot and re-lived some old memories. Its powerful. I would almost join FB in order to make the comment, Why are you proud and impressed? May God's blessings be bestowed upon you forever and always. Its more potent because they have seen struggles in their life, and within that perspective, they still acknowledge the effort I have put into the achievement as deserving of recognition. But, when you want to make your responses more effective and special, these are some good ways to do it. Based on the situation and who says this, heres a list of better responses to pick. You had nothing whatsoever to do with any of this you pond-bottom suckers.. Initially this sit didnt sit well with me. I had a lot of this type of treatment in that small community. 1. Lets see where we can go with this. I was talking about this statement Im Proud of you to a friend.I was annoyed about someone saying they were proud of me who barley knows me. If this is the case, then of whom is the parent really proud? "), Parent: "Im proud that you got all As in your school report/won that tennis trophy", How might you feel as the child? What Does It Mean When Someone Says I'm Proud Of You? When someone says Im proud of you, its important to take the time to think about how you want to respond. Achieving your goals will help you stay motivated, inspire you to set and achieve more, and increase confidence. The phrase, in my belief, implies my contribution as a parent. He may not have expected you to be qualified for the job. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. . I guess after receiving the compliment, I felt that he was patronizing me, because I have only had my parents or teachers say they were proud of me. Linda Adams, in her book Be Your Best, quotes Charleszetta Waddles (African American activist): You cant give people pride, but you can provide the kind of understanding that makes people look to their inner strengths and find their own sense of pride. 5. "How I do love you!" Thanks! Thanks for all the interresting comments and opinions on how people use the phrase Im proud of you. Truly grateful to have such a loving family. Larissa is passionate about the skills taught in Effectiveness Training. Everything you do is with excellence. I have always seen it as, Ive been there, done that, and think you have done it too.. He may understand you have daddy issues and need a masculine pat on the back. The proud feeling transcends from child to parent. So thank you, mom and dad! He's proud of you. Well, that truly makes my day. Now, of course, its diminished if the person throws the phrase around too casually to colleagues, all family members, etc., but if they are a genuine and caring person, then I believe it shows a deeper connection. There are alternatives to praise and saying "Im proud of you", and they include: I consciously have to stop myself from saying "Im proud of you". The effect of this praise might be opposite to the aim of the parent. If you want to reply saying you're proud of the person saying he's proud of you, the only correct answer out of those four is "I'm proud of you too". 1. Your email address will not be published. It was then that I realized that who I am is a unique, valuable, and loveable person. You reject that person's generosity. 13. Yea, Thank you is not the only response. But some of us never heard the expression in our lives till we were adults. 4. Family Tree. B Blue Apple Senior Member You can accomplish anything that you put your mind to. In this sense, a mentor is a parent that you choose, and the desire for his or her love and approval is as natural as the desire for that of a parents pride. Facebook: Please join us on our Facebook page for a mix of articles on children and parenting. What are we trying to say or do, when we innocently, and with the best of intentions, praise our children with "Im proud of you"? I think we need to invent another word for that wonderful feeling in our own chest when someone we care for does something they feel proud about and we agree that they should feel proud. Thanks. However, is this what happens? It's a way of congratulating someone for having accomplished something impressive. Your partner is really happy about the achievement that you have made in your life or career. Larissa's writing has been published in Huffington Post Australia, Early Childhood Australia's blog 'The Spoke'; Her Canberra, Gordon Training International blog, and Generation Next blog. You are asked at the cocktail party what you do. Last Updated on February 28, 2023 by Ketan. I am proud of them for being like this with one another. It is a feeling of relief and it was all worth while you bringing them up properly. said Christopher Robin. This canstop the development of their own, "You look really pleased with your effort". For even more than mentors, but for people who deserve your care and attention in life. If a friend said it to me, I might say "Thank you", but I'd be thinking "Well, who gave you authority over me, then?". And black adults (57%) are more likely than whites (43%) or Hispanics (42%) to know someone who falls into . A special note on research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you" prevents future mental illness and suicidal ideation in their children. Is the childs achievement actually a reflection of their parents achievement? Use thirty phrases to say "I'm proud of you" to make the special person feel good and empowered. If a parent can say, 'I'm proud of you', then can the parent also say the opposite - ' I'm disappointed in you '? Take the compliment, give her a big hug and a kiss and tell her "I'm proud of myself as well" and "Thank you". Immune Response. I grew up being complimented for my looks . Who put in the practice in order to win that tennis match? Second, this very fact helps explain why we resent it if the praise comes from someone who isnt viewed as a mentor. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Likewise, these are special, cute, and funny replies when someone says I am proud of you and you dont know what to respond next. The Proud Boys . My friends tell me that rather often so like once every month or so, which I think is a lot, if you say it more often you'll take it for granted for sure. Private face-to-face sessions and course not available at this point. That would have shown so much more appreciation for what I do 24 hours a day, instead of a measely Im proud of you.. Pause before responding. Overall, seeing your parents, family and loved ones are proud of you, is a great compliment. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. I am still so mad, but I havent said anything about it. thats a case of someone doing one-upmanship. When someone insults you, the first thing you want to do is take a pause and a deep breath. "This isn't easy, but you did the right thing." Sometimes supporting a friend and letting them know you're proud takes the form of helping them cope with a difficult decision they made. by Carolyn Steber. From what I read, she falls into the category of know them well but I wonder if its not something a bit out of place. Hearing those words can make us feel seen, understood, and appreciated. If someone calls you out for saying something offensive, remember that your intent can be different than your impact. Let them know you think it's great they're considering quitting and that you're ready to help. This will help to build your self-esteem and will help you to feel more confident. You could feel annoyed and put out. To reply to that right, here are the better and funny responses to I am proud of you from your bestie. A strong argument is a solid one. 3. I am so lucky to have you in my life and your . When somebody says that you are wrong: "You are entitled to your incorrect opinion." To each his own. In this research, children of parents who never said "I'm proud of you" were significantly more likely to contemplate, plan or attempt suicide. I dont care that I had to hear it from a video-taped personage. A 2017 analysis of 2012 national data from the US, showed that parent behaviour could have a protective role in a their child's mental health. Oh, youre one of my trusted supporters! 3. What a surprise! Go To Homepage. [Chorus] They say redemption's on your mind when you think about . Required fields are marked *. 1. Just let them be. 1. Consider why you so are grateful for this thing or person. "I know you have a lot going on . I dont think there is a neutral position. That way, all they have to do is show up. 2. (I'd prefer "Congratulations! Let them know how much better you feel now that you're smokefree. Date TBA. While "sb is proud of him" can express positive meaning. Continually acting to seek the approval of a parent is onerous for a child. I believe you. These two simple words"I care"can mean so much to a person who may be feeling like the entire world is against them. Simply thanking them or hugging them is an immediate reaction to it. Someone has just gone out of their way to say something nice to you. Why is this such a contentious phrase? Thanks. 3. I think that the phrase really bothers me, because its like saying, Wow, I didnt think you were good enough to ever achieve -insert whatever here.- My fiance said it to me last night while I was doing the dishes. I dont know that you provided a litmus test, but the article acted as such for me. They often tell each other they are proud of one anothers achievements and they all know its genuine. Renew your PET skills; complete the full course over flexible times; or one-off parenting sessions. Partner: "You think you have a lot going on, let me tell you . Can't you do something different?" The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all others, charity. The phrase that has always hit me hardest, however, has been "I'm proud of you." Someone saying that they're proud of you implies that, not only are they impressed by what you do and who you are, they also want others to know it. About 5 years ago, an ex college girlfriend and I began emailing each other occasionally (not often just once every 2-3 months or so). Even if the other person's words and/or actions seem reprehensible, try to be as . Approval is different to acceptance. My sons grew up together and are spaced two years apart. But, it can also be a bit overwhelming because it puts the spotlight on us and can make us feel exposed. Ive been waiting for a long time to give you this surprise! When someone says Im proud of you, its important to take the time to think about how you want to respond. But I want to let you know that I accept you whether I agree with you or not, and I'm committed to working on our relationship so we both feel . . To say you're proud of someone is to say that you can relate to them and, if in their shoes, you would be proud of the accomplishment. This is when his feelings go deeper than the surface, and he genuinely cares about you as a person. 7. But, what would be the better ways to respond to I am proud of you other than just saying thank you. Youre the most amazing parents and thank you for believing in me. First, there's physical attraction. "Well," you respond with enthusiasm, "I'm so excited right now. The first time I remember hearing it said to me (though I'm sure there were times before the instance I'm describing . Praise such as this is a subject on its own much research and many, many books have been written on the negative aspects of praise. Be proud of you." - Oprah Winfrey 3. Here are some examples of what you shouldn't say to someone on their sober anniversary. Whatever influence we had on the person, or information we gave the person, what they did with it is their accomplishment not ours. There may be times when he gets some details wrong, but no one is taking score about who gets the fine points right most of the time. In what context. But worse, my friend thanked them. Im so glad that youre there for giving me support. It got me thinking, "How many people could send me that sort of email?" Graduates: TBA, Grandparents: PET for Grandparents. It says, I love you so much that YOUR accomplishment can make ME feel pride. I also have to let go of holding it against him, because I presume it was a well-meaning gaffeinstead of saying how happy he is for me, as hes never been belittling before. This mindset will help you achieve your goals, too. 4 . I say it often to former students. 11. When someone tells you that they are proud of you, not only are they impressed by something you did and who you are, but they also want others to know it. If that's the case, I suggest a change of phrase. You should always be proud of who you are imo, and if that includes your nationality then that's fine. Here are seven possible ways to interpret his compliment. but not the p-word. 3. By being proud of me that person shares their mind and soul with my mind and soul and includes me in a certain extended period of that persons life. I again said. And if one doesnt respect ones parent, what is the reaction to such a statement? It felt great, and as he falls into both of the categories above, was fully appreciated. You could also feel patronised. Thank you for starting this. Is your partner proud because they can now be associated with a high achiever? And, here are the respectful replies to respond with: 1. True - the parent might have spent hours helping the child get their homework done or even completing the childs assignment. You're not necessarily the expert. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. I like what Chris Yeh said about the (phrase/declaration), Im proud of you, Pretty much an entire generation of American kids heard it from Mr. Rogers. Image used under license from Shutterstock, research suggesting that parents saying "I'm proud of you", protective role in a their child's mental health, Should Children And Parents Be Friends? And do you really mean that you are damned impressed with your friend for her achievement? I got into a conflice with her sons girlfriend because this young woman was working in a store behind the til and had made a gross error in punching out my cash register amounts on my bill and I had to go and confront her to get a refund as the store owed me about $50 due to her errors. Thank you, mom and dad, youre the reason for this. Responding to Im proud of you with gratitude is also a great way to show appreciation to others. I dont think my children have any problem with this because they know, in many other ways, I love them dearly. If you care deeply for someone, it is entirely possible to share the sense of pride that they feel in THEIR achievement without your hijacking it in any way. You would have to know the whole story. Second, he must know you well. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Happy I did it, finally! Someone else's pride in you does not usually translate to pride in yourself. No, I am more proud of you, too. Consequently I now cringe every time I hear the term being used out of context . 1 y. Yes, I agree that it can also be very strong coming from siblings and spouses/lovers. Taking a few deep breaths can help you focus. 9. Compare: "Oh bear!" Wondering where that may be coming from. When I tell my kids Im proud they are surprised and pleased. Please contact info@parentskills.com.au for further information. When someone says Im proud of you, first of all thanking them is the common response we usually have. With the best of intentions, we want to let our children know of our pride in them. My ex just said the same thing to me yesterday and it just didnt sound right to me. "We will always remember. 16. They didn't have to do that. Words have power and they can have a profound effect on us. I cannot tell you how happy I am, for her, to witness her achievement and how much I admire her tenacity in overcoming all she has. This will help to create a bond between the two of you and will strengthen your relationship. Best of BBC Future. 9 Focus on Them When Praising Them PeopleImages / Getty Images My boyfriends ex, posted a im so proud of you on a photo he posted: something he achieved. Focus on this thing or person for a few minutes to get yourself into a more positive mindset. Disclaimer: The articles, blogs, testimonials and P.E.T. "I know how you feel". Here are some examples of ways you can respond to Im proud of you: These responses will show your appreciation for their words and will help to strengthen your relationship. When someone says they are busy, it could mean that they are busy. Whatever you did today was the way it was meant to be. 1. Similarly, if someone tries to imply a mentor relationship by telling you, Im proud of you, its like a bad parent trying to claim the rights and status of a good one. Children whose parents constantly say "I'm proud of you" may grow to be adults who rely on other people's opinion of them for validation. It's a pleasure to congratulate you on this lovely moment. Most of the time, to be proud of someone means you know where they've been and how far they've come pride is a word about growth. Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling. Well, thats what we are going to share in this post. And Im so ashamed of you. #8: They say you need to change. Im excited, are you? A parent might say this to a child, perhaps. After the game I took her back to her car, gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. SFD a bit late in the day to be commenting but I think your assessment of the phrase is spot on. But what does proud mean? (Of course, there are always people who try to suck up to youbut hopefully you can see through it!) Ive had multiple people tell me theyre proud of me like my parents, grandparents, elders but it just doesnt mean anything to me, I dont have any emotional response from any of them and my response ends up being ok or yup. You have always been there for me and our friendship is something that will never go away. I am certain that he would be very proud of you, and he would be proud of your decision to reset your life with rehab. Id opt for saying, Im happy for you. Language gets corrupted. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. The other three sound as if you're saying you're proud of yourself too. Maybe some people act in a way that makes you upset they're doing that on behalf of your country, but you just remember that's not the reason you're proud to be from where you are. And John is left feeling confused and despondent. The same trope appears in many childrens movies (Babe, Mulan)is there anything more important to a child than their parents love and approval? Do you really think this had a lot of positive impact on many children? Especially when you get to hear this from your parents, it means they're happy to see you grow up the way they raised you. It makes a difference I think. Refresher workshop for P.E.T. Thank you so much! JavaScript is disabled. Hosted by Pressable. They know I mean: I am so impressed by what you did, and proud to be able to call myself your mother. If I said this to a friend it would mean the same thing. Youre like my sister from another mother. Use words that will strengthen your relationship. My native language is not English, but I have fallen into the unfortunate (for somethings) of social netwoks, like facebook. When your partner is mad at you, your flirty responses to I hate you will certainly make them laugh. Can "me too" be used here? Tell Them You Care. Also, as bilabial says, I like the recognize traits he values in himself, like his thoroughness and carefulness. If you're a friend, it's friendly. 15. Anyone who overthinks any form of compliments or think's that there are hidden agendas or people are not being completely honest about what they say, should take a step back and ask themselves why they are thinking those thoughts, personally i believe it's more about them and not what is being said about the phrase. 27. She continually updates her course with new examples and relevant material from the latest research. I think the phrase Im proud of you is insulting, for the reasons noted above. Here I would say something like, Youre so talented!/Thats brilliant! She says "Good boy. Yes, I think this is why my friend, even though older, was proud of me, I felt was being presumptious to put herself above me. But if someone says this to you, without further explanation, then it means that you are not a priority to them, they have other things that they are doing. It's nothing bad or unusual. Let them know that you are grateful for their support and that you appreciate their words. As a friend I want you to know that I am so proud of you. 7. 0. I believe the effort has been worth it for my children, and our relationship. When you respond to Im proud of you with gratitude, youre reinforcing the positive behavior that you want to see in yourself and others. You look so much better!". You are using an out of date browser. In the South, people are proud of you if they know you. I live about 200 miles from the old college & she lives in the same town as the college is located. Its also important to remember the power of positive reinforcement and the benefits of responding with gratitude. It isnt. Most times, people use "I am busy" as a tool for avoidance. She was very rude and grouchy with me and reluctantly corrected her errors after I asked the manager to get involved. Make sure to take the time to think about how you want to respond. Originally Published: March 28, 2018. momcilog/E+/Getty . Someone who credibly says "I'm proud of you" usually has two characteristics. Thats something for a parent to say or a parental figurebut only occasionally. Last week, I went back to my college homecoming without my wife. Because we ran into a bunch of other classmates that were also there, we didnt spend time exclusively with each other but we did sit together at the game. By Ben Collins and Brandy Zadrozny. Thank you for always being such a supportive partner. It may not display this or other websites correctly. For me, this was a huge take-away moment. They have everything to do with your strength, and what you've endured. ie you have brought them up as parents and are proud of them for their achievements or manners etc. One of the wives of these manual labourers had befriended me in church and was an older woman. 15. Thats why its important to take their words seriously and to respond in a meaningful way. It seems to me that the authors of the study used the phrase 'I'm proud of you' as a catch-all measurement, to reflect a parent's emotional connection with, and support, for, their child - and that it was this emotional involvement that provided protection against suicidal ideation. Don't lose control of your emotions. The Next Giant Leap. Ive been lurching between How can you be proud of someone elses children? but then challenging that with But then as we do both have a close relationship with her we probably have had some influence on how shes turning out .