my brother just killed himself my brother just killed himself

Chan, Im so very sorry for the loss of your sister, how heartbreaking! I just greive any human being could be that dark to do this but he is at peace. Answer (1 of 8): The worst dreams are often the best dreams you can have. You need to be with your family, to grieve. I appreciate so much the mention of relief in the article. Anyway, Im just looking to connect with anyone that also lost their significant other- especially after they had a baby. Nicki I lost the love of my life and best friend 8 years ago today. I am moving forward in my life, because I have no choice. Lila Grace December 19, 2019 at 10:27 pm Reply. . So its common to ask questions like What if?, Why?, and Whats the point?. Do your best not to succumb to the urge to numb too muchit only prolongs the acute agony and can lead to addictions that simply compound the pain. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. Reading this is so surreal and mind blowing that I just feel deep deep sadness that will last forever. No two are the same I say do what feels right for you. I knew he was depressed, he knew I was as well. . We must stay strong for us and for thier memory. it haunts me thinking what he must have felt to lead him to this. Im sure you can. Over the course of 2 years I learned how wonderful she was and what it meant to feel her love. Finding empathy and understanding after the sadness and anger passed has greatly helped with the healing process. I can only imagine the pain youre experiencing. Now, three weeks ago, I lost my only sibling. The willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing. Her next attempt was slitting her wrists in the bathtub her mother and father found her,she back to the same institution for a few weeks more therapy and a change in medication. sometimes i just pretend shes on a long vacation and will come back one day. please help me out with some answers that i can make my self to believe on it? Lorraine Malonson April 1, 2019 at 8:55 pm Reply. There was someone going to their hospital to get his kidneys. But for all I know he could of had plans to kill me then himself. I dont have the energy. but thats how powerful (it) is!!! I didn't really think anything of it. As a child he spent most of his time with me , and i feel so guilty knowing that smtg that i teached him led him to think that he has no other choice then this. Which was strange because we rarely fought He was so talented in so many ways. She knew that and still forgave me for everything. Im only telling you this to hopefully help you feel less alone. my girlfriend commited suicide with her dads pistol today. I miss him so much xx. He had a huge gun collection(he was a hunter and collected). How am I supposed to get over it ? It helped me put together a picture of who my son was and how many people he touched (many more than I ever imagined!). I know that no one can help me feel better but myself. The few friends I have dont know what to say or think I should be over it by now. I promise it gets better. I just came across your message at the top of the comments and felt like I really wanted to write to you.. It was year 2015 when my father committed suicide. Became to much to bear. I just dont understand how I didnt see this coming and really wish I had done something before it was too late. My brother also became an alcoholic and, after years of sorrow and soffering, took his life out. Call on your personal faith and values to help you through. Please seek help. And then everyone will know Im a killer. Those are the scars of suicide, and you have to learn to live with those scars, My kids are my rock, he wasnt their biological father, but he had been in their lives from a very young age. Subscribe to stay up to date on all our posts. In this article, this quote definitely stood out to me: Once they had acknowledged the inevitability of suicide they were able to weave this possibility, unwelcome as it was, into their life story to develop a coherent explanation.. She had told me 5 days before she was going to get help that she couldnt live like this anymore. =), Ive suffered another loss, my husband and I separated 2 years ago and were both still in pain for this. Remember your grieving too and your feelings are valid. I have not been able to sleep or eat since. So, this makes everything worse, because Ive lost 2 essential people in my life. He always made everyone around him happy, cracked a joke or put people before himself. He was 10 years older than me, he taught me so much, gave me so much, lived with me my whole life, brought me coffee in the morning. . But the way she was, always so sweet and happy.. no one had a clue what was really going on, I had a slight idea but the way she pretended to be ok, she played it so well.. I miss my mum. ( Fathers Day) Putting a time on my fathers life is something that still clings to my mind. My heart goes out to each every one of you. What? Is all I could think to say. He suffered from PTSD, depression and the most crippling anxiety! I find it hard to talk to others about my pain because I feel like Im indulging in self pity and thats why Im here looking at the comments from others who have had the same experience. All the ways I found could fail,leave me in a coma etc. He was from this area and had close friends he had grown up with and family, but I dont know any of them. I never realized he probably had depression until after. Kelly February 18, 2022 at 4:56 pm Reply. He hung himself in our basement, and I had to get him down and try to perform CPR. And even though I realized all too well how family and friends would feel if I died, I couldnt cope anymore. But.. I also beat myself up because Im a licensed counselor! She threatened suicide for years and none of us thought shed ever do it. My best friend died to suicide 4/1/19 due to child abuse. I will be thinking of you and hoping that you find the help you need. We fought often but I felt I was fighting another side, the ill side. The list goes on and on. We were together from a young age and he was in and out of substance misuse. My ex-husband, and the father of our 8yo daughter died by suicide on Fri 11/30/18. I knew the guys name but didnt even connect the two. Thank you for sharing your heart. It took me 3 years; until one day I dreamed he was well, reading under the sun. One guy tried to kill himself 5 times. I am still struggling and fighting mine. I would trade places with him in a heartbeat. Always preaches never give up on your dreams no matter how hard it gets my anxiety is through the roof, I cant eat or sleep Im constantly scared have images of him there doing it alone I feel like Im falling apart inside Im so broken. Ive been studying narcissism for years trying to make sense of him and of us, and the bottom line is, I have to accept this was the inevitable outcome of a lot of factors, some his fault, some not. But she sadly found his obituary! He was beautiful. Now the pain of him being gone is fresh again its like it was yesterday. Im so glad to hear that you are getting help. I wish I hadnt gotten the police involved when I was scared. I just remember getting out of the car and falling to my knees crying no. I say my son had depression and took his life. Rose Eiesland Foster May 17, 2016 at 4:52 pm Reply. Reading through these posts, I can only feel sympathy for those who have lost children to suicide, and shame for wallowing over my fathers suicide. His death has been somewhat of a relief for me, as I no longer have his dark cloud hanging over me. She deserved the world and now its too late to give it to her. He also sent texts to other people, I found out during the later part of the day. The rings I had given her were returned to me in a BIOHAZARD bag, very much deformed. I cry when I ask myself why he did not call me when an incident happened in rehabinstead he went to what felt good and the sadness would endthis time permanentlybut my sadness may last a lifetimeI am so glad I have a great support team and my faith. I know she had been struggling with anxiety and depression for the past 2 years and I always did everything I could to help her cope with her mental health issues. If that makes sense..Awesome soul passed by suicide not long ago as well. Did everything together. He had brain damage when he was born as his umbilical cord was around his neck and the doctors told my parents he would never read or write. I dont say a lot, just listen. What couldve driven him to such an act must have been so overpowering that even his life didnt matter, his family and children didnt matter and I didnt matter. But that doesnt mean it doesnt deeply hurt. Richard Whitfield January 19, 2019 at 12:08 am Reply. I am in my year of firsts. If you are someone grappling with this concern, know that it is normal. Right now I talk from the other side of the glass. I read 8-9 books on death and grief, several ones specifically geared towards the issue of suicide. I just wanted to reach out to you and say I will pray for us both. We dont really talk about it as a family, but I feel at peace knowing that there is a common understanding of how my mom died. I just want to pull him back so strongly. My son was supposed to be at work at noon lost Thursday, but instead drove to the 2nd Street bridge in Louisville, Ky(where we live). I had no idea how much it would affect me. Is my family right? I am so sad and remorseful. Then I texted her number and continuously called her phone. You are loved. That I miss him in a way that he can never understand. You may want to lock yourself away alone. We were honest with each other about how we felt in life. What a waste. I dont love you, I dont love anyone was what I would say in one of my horrible fits I guess you would say. They had my grandson move the car out to give them room. Yesterday, while I cleaned, I literally imagined that I was preparing my house for him to move in, and then while I walked I imagined discussing a treatment plan with him. I really want to keep my word to her shes my whole world. John Dearing January 11, 2019 at 4:07 am Reply. He felt his life was falling apart and it was for the moment because of the separation and ongoing divorce, custody battle. I know she was hugging my heart when I dove with manta rays down in the deep blue.I know she was hugging my heart when I met my boyfriend who happens to live in the same street where she was living. It feels like eating before everyone gets their food part of me just wants to fucking wait for him to catch up to where I am. Its not always bad thoughts , I miss spending time her , the way I felt around her. I sat with him for hours each night talking, he told me that I would have to accept that he could not carry on in this world, he felt like an outcast, did not fit in or belong. I feel so many emotions, sadness, guilt, confusion but oddly no anger. Ive never liked being around guns but for him I didnt think twice. It saddened me because I tried to help her and make her feel better but there was nothing I could do. How do we reconcile that we werent worth living for?